I have tummy ache, the kind you get when you are stressed.

I'm not going to get into any of the schools in England. I don't even know if i want to, yes i don't even know if i want to study art any more. I feel fat. And depressed, even though this time i think it's more due to stress for going to India added too stress of applying to stupid demanding english pointless schools. SInce when is art about making a philosophical point of view known? Can't i just make art because i like it, because it's pretty, because i like the colors, the texture, the pain and the satisfaction? Can't I? No, apparently one has to justify oneself constantly to live a fruitful life in this world. Stupid world full of one-sided-tracked firstworld people i might add, poeple who are all the opposite of "altruistes". Well i'm sick of it. Even though, of course, i'm quite clever and so i know myself quite well, no need to go on a search/journey/roadtrip/whatever to find myself and find out that i will probably never actually do anything about it....
And that stupid fart Mathias is sulking, again, and not answering any of my messages, again, and then when he does it's only with uncomprehensible messages that don't mean anything.
I feel like crying.